Do you also hate criticism and do you especially hate it when it comes from yourself? Do you always have an inner voice that criticizes every decision you make because you are not sure what others will say about you? Maybe you have a completely unique musical talent, but keep telling yourself that you are not good enough to show it off.

I know of someone what it means to be self-critical. I’ve always been a little too hard on myself. Am I a good photographer? What if people do not like what I write? My Facebook friends almost never like my posts – do they dislike me? And many other stupid self-critical thoughts. I try to get better, but sometimes I miss it. It can happen for even the best. From experience, however, I have learned that when I fear criticism the most and believe the least in myself, I can expect the exact opposite. For it is at these times that people come with the most praise and then I do not know at all how to react.

In this blog post I will come up with good advice that has helped me and that can inspire you to become better at accepting yourself.

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

We are too hard on ourselves

All too often we are our own hardest criticisms. The brain loves to come up with a ton of scary scenarios that are mostly so far out that it’s hard to believe. But unfortunately, most of us have grown up with the belief that we have to be perfect and master everything after a day, which puts a lot of pressure on us.

It starts earlier than you might think. This self-critical mindset may stem from something you have experienced earlier in your life. It can e.g. be that you have been neglected as a child or have been through challenging situations in life where neither your friends nor parents have believed in you and pulled you down. Perhaps you have often been told that what you are doing is not good enough, even though you have done your very best. Or you have been looked down upon because people automatically assume that you are unintelligent. Such things settle like scars in the soul, causing you to start setting too high demands and expectations on yourself. Requirements and expectations you can’t possibly reach.

Make no mistake!

I’m not usually the one pointing fingers, but I think schools are to a large extent to blame. There is virtually no room for error here, which leads us to believe that in order to cope in the real world, every single step has to be perfect. Is your grade too low for the dream studio? Too bad life stops here and you have to put up with working in a supermarket for the rest of your life. You can also take an education that you are not interested in or can use for something, but then you at least have something to fall back on. It does not sound like a particularly healthy thought to cram into the heads of his students. Why is there no room to just be good enough?

People behave as if everything must and must be perfect and if it is not, they turn their backs and complain about it on Facebook. If this criticism goes beyond you, it can again quickly turn into criticism against yourself. It becomes self-fulfilling. If they do not think I’m good enough, it must be true. Suddenly, your inner voice is not yours but everyone else’s. However, I’m sure they make just as many mistakes as you do. No one is as perfect as they pretend to be.

“Those who spend their time looking for the faults in others, usually spend no time to correct their own.”

Art Jonak

How do you stop the endless criticism?

Again: No one is as perfect as they pretend to be. So do not compare yourself with everyone else. In any case, you should not be ashamed of who you are at all. You do not have to make everyone like you. We are 7 billion people here on Earth and most do not need more than 5 close friends who like you for exactly who you are – with flaws and shortcomings and whatever makes you unique.

When you make mistakes, do not disappear into a deep hole of shame. It’s all right to make mistakes. Really! Without mistakes, you learn nothing. How could you improve if you always did everything 100% perfect the first time. If Steve Jobs thought he had built the perfect computer in the 1970s and then leaned back in his chair, Apple would not have existed today. The company would have been overtaken by anyone who dared to make mistakes and learn from them. There must and will always be room for improvement and that is not a bad thing. Even if you make mistakes, you are still a good person. Repeat it for yourself every time the critical thoughts arise. Even if you make mistakes, you are still a good person.

It’s not the end of the world

As soon as the thoughts arise and tell you that you are incompetent and lazy, remind yourself that you are doing your best and that everyone is making mistakes. The bad thoughts you have about yourself will end up coming true if you let them. Maybe you’re going for a job interview and think I’ll never get the job. These thoughts cause you to get into the job interview without believing in yourself, which is clearly evident in your body language. You shrug your shoulders and look down at the floor and already sabotage your chances there. But how bad would it really not be to get the job? There is no one to knock you down and pull you unconscious out of the office if you do not get the job. Of course, it hurts to be rejected, but that’s not the end of the world.

Get used to thinking differently

Why are you criticizing yourself? What is your proof that you should fail? Try to make a list of all the bad things that can happen to give you an overview of your critical thoughts. Then ask yourself what the reasons are that you can easily handle it and make another list. Then set the lists up against each other. If you do, you will be able to see why it does not always pay to listen to all the bad thoughts when, in theory, you know very well that you can handle any challenge. As you learn to recognize the bad thoughts, it becomes easier to change them.

Accept your inner criticisms

Today you hear more and more often that you have to accept yourself as who you are. But it is just as often about the appearance. However, it is just as important to be able to accept who you are inside. By that I mean, instead of trying to change yourself, accept that you will be nervous and scared when you go to a job interview, meet your date or give a speech in front of a large audience. Accept that your inner self-critical voice is doing everything in its power to keep you from a certain situation. Do the exact opposite of what the self-critic tells you. It’s something that has worked for me.

It goes a bit against the initial advice, but by accepting it, it helps you in the long run to become a better version of yourself.

Talk to others about it

It is perfectly okay to talk to a professional or your friends about your feelings. Hearing from others that you should not be as hard on yourself and that you are perfect as you are can help your self-confidence well on its way. I’m sure people understand what you’re walking around with emotion, because it’s not entirely abnormal that you do not believe in yourself.

What is the worst thing that can happen?

The more time you spend being self-critical and thinking about how others might react, the less time you have to do something about it. When is the moment perfect enough for you to dare to jump into your new project or whatever you refrain from doing? In 10 years? Why should the rest of us not see what you have to offer?

No one holds you back but yourself and that is why too many ideas are buried with the idea creators themselves. Think about how many times one simple person has had the opportunity to change the world but was insecure about himself and allowed himself to be persuaded by his self-criticism. Let other people have their opinions. People always find something to complain about no matter what. The only one you need to persuade is yourself. Remind yourself that you have managed resistance before, so of course you can handle this too! Live your dream life now, not tomorrow or when you retire.

“Life is not about things going perfectly the first time. It’s about how we adapt to what we receive. ”

Joy Mayer

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