Being Alone is not Being Lonely, When I was a young teenager and went to primary school, I could feel lonely at times. I did not have many friends and certainly no girlfriends. I was also a good target for bullying. Often I walked around with a burning desire to be appreciated and to dare to be more outgoing.

Today, as a 28-year-old, I have finally come to a place in my life where I have accepted who I am: an introvert who enjoys his freedom and tranquility. So it does not matter if I can count my close friends on one hand and not be the one going to big wild parties every weekend. It is a pleasure for me to be able to sit alone for a whole day and read a book. Or spend a day in the woods.

I have learned that there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone and Being Alone is not Being Lonely. That is also what I will give you a better understanding of through this post.

Being Alone and Being Lonely

Being Alone is not Being Lonely. Not everyone is the same. Therefore, it is also very individual what makes people feel lonely. Some can spend most of the time alone without ever feeling lonely. Others may feel extremely lonely even though they are surrounded by other people all the time. In short, loneliness occurs when one is involuntarily alone and suffers because of it. Being alone – or alone as I think is an appropriate word – means that you have completely voluntarily chosen to spend time alone and enjoy it.

Being alone can be refreshing for some. After a long day at work or school, they look forward to coming home and listening to the silence.

Others may spend time at work or at school just getting through the day without anyone – other than friends – bothering to talk to them. Then an empty house and even more loneliness await them.

Most people are not used to alone time and this can be one of the reasons why you see it as some kind of punishment. It’s not really something you talk about either. If you finally talk about the fact that you are often alone, you will be told that you need to get out more and be asked if you are not bored. People do not understand that loneliness and loneliness do not have the same meaning.

Being Lonely in a digital world

Loneliness is given a negative meaning. It’s something you do not want to wear. Today, it has almost been branded as an epidemic, as if it were a contagious disease. If you have first acquired this “disease”, you may shut yourself inside your house and think that no one likes you. You end up not feeling good enough, because when people do not want to be with you, it must be someone you are crazy about.

If you do not like who you are or think others do not like who you are, you are more likely to avoid situations where you get to meet people. It happens either consciously or unconsciously. On the Psychiatry Foundation’s website, they say that the fear of being rejected can be self-reinforcing. It’s going to control us. Fear can cause us to lower our expectations of other people or cause us to interpret their behavior as meaning that they do not want contact.

I think the fear of being lonely is also partly related to the fear of being bored.

The more connected we have become, the more isolated we have become.

Over the last few centuries, we have become more and more connected. From when we wrote telegrams to the phone. From the phone to the internet. We have achieved what we wanted: to create a closer and better connection on a global level. Soon we do not even have to get up from the couch to travel to the other side of the earth. Ironically, more and more people are becoming lonely.

When I was young, I took over for my friends or they came to me when we were going to play PlayStation. Now you just send an invite to the friend who is most likely online if you want to play together. It also seems that more games are choosing the offline multiplayer part in favor of the online one.

The constant connection to each other has taken over. We can not just be . Either we watch television, listen to music, play or check something indifferent on the mobile. There is not much time to look inward anymore, which is otherwise an important part of a person’s choice of career and way of life.

Despite that, today we go to great lengths to be ourselves and be as authentic as possible. But as we never give ourselves a moment of boredom, this modern mantra gets no breeding ground for development. We forget to spend time with the person who should know us best: ourselves.

Have you ever thought about who you would be if you had grown up in a cabin out in the woods and were unfamiliar with the internet, phones and computers?

Appreciate the loneliness

There is a study that shows how bad we are at dealing with alone time. The participants here would rather do boring and monotonous tasks or give themselves a shock than spend 6 – 15 minutes in a room alone with nothing to do but think.

If you can not enjoy a little alone time, it must mean that you are dependent on having others to entertain you all the time. Which honestly sounds strenuous. For others – including me – it comes naturally to be able to be alone. But of course, if you are used to spending time with others 24/7, then it takes a little getting used to having a good time in your own company. It’s probably going to be a little hard at first. It must also just be said, it is never bad to have some time for yourself whether you are introverted or extroverted. It’s actually healthy.

How is one alone?

Once you begin to accept that it’s okay to be alone, even though others think you should get out more, you can also begin to shift from loneliness to loneliness. It all starts with exercising self-indulgence. It actually goes without saying that self-pampering is a big part of being able to be happy in one’s own company. But most people will probably think they need someone to spend time with. Need to have at least one other person before they can feel entertained. Now it’s just that you’ll have a lot more time to focus and concentrate on your interests if there are no others to disturb and make you doubt your abilities. Without others around you, you can unfold your creativity completely and screw your interests up to max strength.

Plan and give yourself time to be alone if you are not getting enough time for yourself. It can e.g. be an evening or a weekend. Remove all distracting items such as your phone or other devices. Turn them off and spend time on some interests or something you do not normally feel you have time for. 

You have to keep in mind that Being Alone is not Being Lonely. Here are some suggestions on engaging yourself in something diverse:

1. Learn something new

Give yourself time to learn something new. You could read a book, practice a musical instrument, or watch some educational videos on Youtube (cat videos and memes are not instructive). There are now many ways to learn new things. It’s just a matter of finding what works for you. I always think you feel a little high after learning new things. It is a joy to be able to share his knowledge afterwards.

2. Invite yourself to dinner

Make something extra out of your free evening. Go out and eat at your favorite restaurant. It’s not as boring as it sounds. Maybe you get some glances from people who think it looks sad… And so what? As long as you enjoy good food and delicious wine, it may not matter what they think.

3. Invite yourself to the cinema

This too may seem a little strange and sad, but it’s not always your friends feel like watching the same movie as you. So why not take a trip to the cinema alone? Once you sit in the cinema no one still knows that you are sitting there alone because there are others around you. At the same time, you will finally see the movie you have wanted to see for so long.

4. Visit a museum

If you are into culture, visit your favorite museum if you have one. Or select a random museum from Google. Not many people want to visit museums, but you are often pleasantly surprised once you are faced with a piece of Danish culture with 1,000 years behind it.

5. Go hiking

One of my favorite things is to go hiking alone. It is liberating to be able to explore places, take detours and take breaks whenever you want, without the objections of others. You can listen to the birds’ song, see the old trees sway and feel the wind against your face.

 Nature is also good for one’s mental health. It is e.g. really good against stress.

6. Take a vacation

You can also take it even further and book a holiday alone. Again, you can take all the detours you want and do what you feel like without the opinion of others. You can keep to yourself or go to the hotel bar and meet new people. It is entirely up to you what the holiday should consist of.

I have friends and family who do not mind cold places. They would rather travel south, which is typical of most people. But I love the cooler places and have nothing against the northern part of the globe. So there I have to go alone, which I gladly do.

Conclusion

It is far from bad to be alone in one’s own company. Again, it takes some getting used to. But honestly, I do not believe you are particularly bad company. After all, loneliness is nothing more than a state of mind. When you go and think about what everyone else is doing and how much fun they are having, you drive yourself crazy. The fear of being bored, of being missed, and of being rejected is nothing but that: a fear, an emotion. If you really think about it, loneliness is not real. It’s something you imagine. In this modern world, we do not need others to survive. If you keep that in mind, over time, you can overcome just about any feeling of loneliness and enjoy your solitude.

That being said, a bit of socialization is definitely not bad. It is healthy. I think you get crazy by isolating yourself completely from the outside world – and here this post probably does not help.

Finally, I just want to say that it is important that loneliness is something you choose and like. It is of no use if you feel pressured to be alone.

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