When you get a good job, you are full of confidence and look forward to a career. But the reality may be temporary. You have encountered office politics, endless conflicts and power struggles. Refer to the five ways to deal with conflicts introduced in this article, which can help you focus on the real problem, focus on tapping your own potential, and reap success.

“Disputes can make smart people look stupid.” —Daniel Gorman, author of “Emotional Intelligence”

Disappointment

Remember the anticipations when you finally got a promising job? You have a lot of good ideas and can’t wait to come up with them. also, You know how to solve problems. and You think you are always different. While coping with the many challenges of a new career, it is also full of possibilities to meet new friends.

However, things are impermanent. You have encountered office politics. This continuous conflict and power struggle is universal in modern companies. The primitive impulse to gang up, open conflict, whispers by the drinking fountain, and finally turned into blatant quarrels and personal attacks… It was shocking, painful, and disappointing. As a result, you have to put your dreams in a secondary position and first solve the problem of “how do I survive in this environment”.

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From the Experience…

  I recalled a multinational company I once worked for. I was very excited to be able to go to New York to attend the company’s global annual meeting. After the various presentations, the colleagues gathered together during the break and chatted with other colleagues’ gossip. I know many amazing things about the founder of the company…or at least heard the “story” that people claim to be absolutely true. Suddenly I began to wonder… Am I really suitable for such a scene? Do I really want to waste precious time in this kind of place?

    Over the years, I have encountered countless similar situations: Normally, smart, calm and talented people no longer focus on contributing to the company, but instead devote most of their energy to ongoing conflicts with bosses, colleagues, and customers. Instead of focusing on business, they are busy fighting inwardly. If you feel the same way, it means you are already in it. Here are five ways to help you deal with conflicts and focus on your own business:

1. Don’t spread gossip.

You must be apathetic to talking about other people’s gossip. Don’t participate, don’t listen, don’t spread. People who say these things to you have their own motives, and these are second-hand information. As long as there is no personal experience, you can’t tell the truth from these words. Each story may have a different version.

2. Learn to empathize.

Everyone you touch has human needs and emotions. They make every effort to survive in their environment. Instead of judging, evaluating, criticizing or attacking others, you should cultivate curiosity about their world, challenges, and situations. You have to assume that they are innocent. You may not agree with their views on everything. But you should remember that they are your business partners, and cooperation is the key to the company’s success. Don’t judge others, make up other people’s stories, but observe the other person and be interested in the other person’s feelings. Desire to understand their real needs. As long as you learn empathy, you will find that their needs are actually very similar to yours. Do we really have such a big difference? Pay more attention to the needs behind their emotions and pay less attention to their emotions. Emotions are superficial. Demand is universal and effective.

3. Master emotional secret language.

We all have emotions and emotions. But most people forget that our emotions are responses to needs. The reason why we feel “bad” is because some of our human needs have not been met. The reason why we feel “good” is because certain needs have been met. So, when you see someone angry, depressed, sad, irritable, what do these emotions tell you? It is telling you that some of their deep-seated needs have not been met. At this time, you have a choice: judge their emotional expression as “wrong, inappropriate, selfish or stupid”, or you will notice that some of the person’s reasonable needs are not being met. You can help them meet their needs instead of judging them as “wrong”, so that you can not only help them, but also bring you change.

    If you are driving, the red warning light suddenly lights up. It tells you that the car needs fuel, or the radiator needs water. At this time, all you need to do is stop, provide what the engine needs, and then continue driving. But many people will react differently. Instead of solving the needs, they unplug the wires and turn off the warning lights. Today, these people live in fool’s paradise. Because the real needs have not been resolved, but have been deliberately ignored. The engine will explode naturally.

    When people are facing conflict, their emotions will show up. If you observe carefully, we can use the “warning lights” (their emotions) as a reminder that some of their deeper needs are not being met. We cannot make the mistakes mentioned in the previous article but must work hard to unearth their deep-seated needs. We are not interested in judging others, what we are interested in is how to help them meet their deep-seated needs. This is the essence of empathy and the essence of emotional intelligence.

    So, what exactly is the so-called emotional “password”? That is, understanding emotion is like a pointer, pointing to a certain need, such as safety, recognition, certainty, love, happiness, survival, creativity, achievement, recognition, fun, etc. These needs are universal, and all of us have the same needs. When the needs are not met, people will explode certain emotion-reminding us that some aspects are missing. Ignore, judge or even oppose these emotions, the “engine” will explode, and conflict is the final result. Are you smart enough to meet real needs through the surface? Or, do you still just judge, evaluate, and criticize others, believing that others are wrong?

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4. First understand, and then seek the other’s understanding.

This is one mentioned by Stephen Covey in the book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” (Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) that is popular around the world. We all want others to understand us, our purpose, our thoughts, our needs, etc. But if we only focus on making our own needs understood, accepted, and recognized, conflicts will definitely arise. As adults, we all have the ability to “pause” the understanding of our own needs, delay self-satisfaction, and create a space for others to express. Most people do not really listen. They are just pretending to listen until they have a chance to express their opinions. The result of this situation is often intensified conflicts. 

Therefore, if we are too selfish and too self-centred, we are likely to waste most of our time in conflict and the pain that comes with it. Don’t wait for others to listen to you, you should take the initiative to listen to what others want to say. Of course, easier said than done.

5. Always adhere to the path of cooperation.

If you focus on making yourself a “winner,” the partnership will become a victim. The company will encounter difficulties, and you will not escape the blame. Let yourself be a short-term “winner” while others are in dire straits. This is not a real victory. As long as you can return to your heart and no longer just follow the instructions of your brain (judgment, evaluation, story, criticism, attack, etc.), you are already a winner. As human beings, our natural condition is to have empathy for others. If we indulge in our own judgment, we may feel that we are “right” and others are “wrong.” 

The reality is that we are all human beings with good intentions, which originate from our inner needs. The real winners will stick to their heart and focus on “as partners, how do we solve problems so that we all become winners?” This road is not easy. But this is the only way to walk with the heart that allows us to transcend our narrow self. This path allows us to care about others, to achieve harmonious coexistence, and sincere cooperation.

Final recommendation.

For thousands of years, the debate about “right and wrong” and “good and bad” has never stopped. We are all caught in a war of judgment. In the past 8000 years, human beings have experienced endless violence, pain and disasters. Are these not enough? also Are you not tired of fighting like this? and Are you willing to focus on real problems, focus on creating a world together and helping each other meet their inner needs? If you are willing to do this, you will surely be able to get rid of endless conflicts and unearth the true potential of mankind. I hope you can succeed. The future of this planet depends on your efforts.

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